One thought on “Writing exercise 1: I am resilient.”

1. Re-silient

   re-seal
   re-salient
   re-start
   re-silly
   re-silt
   re-silent
   re-lenient

   the worst
   that can happen is the exact opposite
   of one’s dream, that picture
   framed behind one’s forehead

   it might be a long shot,
   but the picture is large, high definition,
   framed behind tempered glass
   resistent to hurricane and earthquake.

   He would ultimately
   love me, the longing I felt
   stretched beyond any horizon in front
   or behind. A broad river
   with no ocean in sight.

   Anything, any part of myself
   could be, would be willingly
   laid down into that river
   sacrificed for the picture
   to come into focus:
   real, lived, touchable. Then

   one night, me in an upper college bunk,
   him in the lower one, having smuggled
   me in, when his roommate was away,
   he told me he could not decide

   what to desire
   and only desired other men.

   I snuck out, drove home 100 miles
   before he woke, went upstairs,
   just a word or two to my Mom,
   went back east and found,

   demonstrating against a war
   in the capital, that I could hardly speak.
   Shutting down, the picture
   without a home now

   was shutting down my brain.
   I phoned a friend with a remote cabin,
   asked her to leave me there.

   Occupied with November’s task
   of building fire, cooking food,
   keeping warm, and eating,
   not having to speak

   I realized I had spent my first 20 years
   grooming my intellect. My parents,
   teachers had combed it smooth.

   It was time to give as much attention
   to my heart, to my perceptions,
   my dreams that had misled me

   so badly. Back from the cabin
   I asked the only person I knew
   who was smart and happy

   if there was any connection
   between the way he was
   and his meditating.

   Looking up from his granola,
   he said, “Yes,” and resumed chewing.
   I started Transcendental Meditation

   reclaimed my emotional world,
   knitted my mind and heart together,
   found an oasis of calm

   good enough for any storm.

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